interiority is higher than exteriority

I still find myself thinking daily about the Practices of Knowledge course I took in my first year of university at McMaster, particularly the idea in Fear and Trembling that "interiority is higher than exteriority". To put that in simpler language, the parts of a person you can't readily see -- their inner world -- is more valuable than what is externally visible about them. I firmly hold onto this belief in a world that seems to prioritize external achievements above all else. ...

As someone who experienced traumatic grief and a lot of associated mental and physical health challenges throughout my teens, I've come to realize that nothing is more important than mental well-being and the quality of the relationships that I have. As psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett explains, "The best thing for your nervous system is another human. The worst thing for your nervous system is also another human." At its core, many of the mental health challenges I've experienced, such as anxiety or intrusive thoughts, were the result of fear and distrust in my relationships; conversely, I don't think I would have been able to heal from trauma if it weren't for relationships where I could be emotionally vulnerable. After spending all of my teen years underwater, I'm happy that these days, I finally feel present in my body and in the world. More than anything, I want to make sure that no one ever has to experience what I went through -- and that if they do find themselves in a distressing situation, that they have a space to openly share their feelings. I want to normalize conversations about grief, loss, and finding our way to our truest selves.

...

In many of my conversations recently, I'm frustrated by the utter disregard to inner world and personhood. People ask me why I don't prioritize career and are befuddled as to what I would prioritize instead -- but for me, it's clear that relationships are what make life worth living. In the absence of genuine relationships, it's difficult for me to imagine wanting anything else. Even as I've undergone massive internal transformation, and feel much better and enlivened internally, others don't seem to celebrate it. Why? What could be more satisfying than hearing a person say they feel alive again? Instead, they belittle me for my lack of career experience, which is indicative of a society that is obsessed with external markers of success.

...

These days, for the first time since I was 12, I feel like myself. For me, that's more than enough to be proud of.